Scars Love and Death
by Her-Gayness19
Summary: My version of eclipse. Bella struggles to live after Edward leaves in new moon. This is a Bella/Jacob fic : Im not good at summaries so kept it brief. Story should be better : ehm please read and review : forever loved if you do :
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"And I wonder how long it will take them to notice that I'm gone…

And I wonder how far it will take mo to runaway!

I was just trying to be myself, have it your way I'll meet you in hell

Its all these secrets that I shouldn't tell, I've got to runaway...

It's hypocritical of you, do as you say not as you do  
I'll never be your perfect girl... I got to runaway". Bella made her way through the forest outside her house, not knowing where she was heading, just away from the little town which held so many agonisingly painful memories. She was singing "Runaway" by Pink. The lyrics seemed to suit her predicament perfectly. Edward had left her: her world, her one true love- gone. "It'll be as if I never existed." His words rang through her numb skull over and over again. It had been six long, gruelling months since the Cullen family had left. Charlie, her dad, had said to her a couple of months after the Cullen's departure that it was like she was on auto pilot. She went to school and thought about Edward. She went to work, and thought about "Him". In her dreams she saw his porcelain skin, hard as rock, yet smooth as marble. She saw his bronze tussled hair and his liquid amber eyes, the same eyes that had once stared into her mortal ones. A vision of perfection each night. A vision of perfection that when awake she would never hear, or see of again. This was her continuing nightmare. She awoke each night, screaming, always hoping Charlie was in a deep enough sleep for him not to hear her torture. She never would escape "His" clutches. She had to leave Forks and be free of everything that ever reminded her of him, even if it did mean leaving Charlie. She packed her bag, and waited till Charlie was asleep. She crept silently into his room and left a note by his bedside table saying;

Charlie,  
I cant live here anymore, you more than

Anyone knows how hard this is for me, and I can't take it anymore.

I will be back when my mind is free from him. I love you.

Bella

Xxx

She had been walking for about an hour when she decided to take a rest on a boulder; after all she was only human. She planted herself down and a sudden thought erupted from the back of her mind. "Feels like Edward…oh god…I really am loosing it…" A small tear began to run down her face. More and more began to flood her cheeks forming into a puddle at her feet. She hated him for doing this to her. How could he leave her? How could he make her feel this way? "Stop this Bella! For your own peace of mind. Drop it", she told herself. "Oh no I'm even talking to myself now, what next!" She attempted to pull herself together and began walking in a direction she didn't know, just wherever her feet took her and put in her ear phones, listening to Decode. "Argghh, stupid rock..." She was now lying face down in a pile of what she hoped was mud; clumsily she'd fallen over a tiny rock. "Only I would have ended up with a mouth full of mud from that!" she murmured as she began to pull herself up off the ground. A sharp pain was shooting up her thigh. "Jeez…pulled a muscle…Ohhhh, I hate forests!!" She sat there, trying to figure out how she could move without hurting her leg any more. "I'll drag myself…where's a bloody vampire when you need one!" She was still considering her options when she heard what seemed like some one running. It was getting closer and closer. "Edward?" she called out. Don't be stupid Bella...He doesn't want you. He doesn't love you. Suddenly she remembered - Victoria. She was coming after Bella for revenge – maybe she was here already. The running got closer and closer. "I can't run... and I can't fend off a ravenous vampire that wants to kill me. You'll be free Bella...From Him...Forever…no more pain…no more nightmares…free. – "Yes..." She closed her eyes and waited for the ravenous red head to claim her prize…Bella's life. She welcomed death as a way out of her torture.  
"Bella?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**sorry bout not wrinting authors notes before, just getting new to this whole thing lol. ehm yeah heres chapter two...read and review pleeease :)**

"Jake?"

"Bella..? What the hell are you doing out here? You do know Victoria is out looking for you! Or did that just slip your mind?" He began to help her up from the floor when he noticed her hand twitch towards her thigh and whimper." How did you do this?" He picked her up and lifted her into her arms, like picking up an empty box. He turned around and began making his way back to Forks. "I'm fine Jake, I just tripped over a stone, just leave me alone!"

"You fell! Ha-ha, you're the only person I know that would fall over a stone ha-ha"

"Jake put me down, I'm not going home !" she started banging on his chest as hard as she could, forgetting that it would hurt her more than it hurt him. "Stupid bloody werewolf…" Jacob chuckled and just held her closer. Bella ignored him and continued attempting to struggle against his grip. She felt herself slowly drifting off against Jacob's hot body. The sound of his soft beating heart soothed her. She didn't sleep very long. All she saw when she shut her eyes where "His" liquid amber eyes, staring into her broken mind. She opened her eyes and felt the hot tears running down her cheeks. "Great, crying once again." She found herself in her dainty little room. She gazed at her clock. 06.22. She didn't want to go back to bed. Who would when you have Him haunting your dreams? She decided to make herself useful and began tidying up round her room until she found a note with Jake's scrawly handwriting on a piece of paper by her bed.

Bella, ill be round at 12. I need to talk.

All my love. Jake.

She decided to go for a shower-Get rid of the mud that was dried onto her face. She turned the shower on and stepped in, letting the hot water run over her. Once she felt she was finally clean she stepped out and changed into her black skinnies and black and white stripped t-shirt. She quickly looked at the time. 07.45. She began hoping across the hall, trying to squeeze her foot into her converse with little success. She made it to the stairs when she heard a bang from Charlie's room.

"Charlie? Charlie ? Are you okay?" She dashed into his room, tripping over the washing that Charlie must have chucked out when climbing into bed. She found him lying on the floor sprawled out, unable to move. "It'll be fine dad! Your okay, ill phone an ambulance and everything will be fine…" Everything went by in a blur. The ambulance ride. The waiting room. All she could think about was that if she had left, nobody would have been there to help him. He'd probably still be lying there. She felt better knowing she was there to of helped him. She could never leave Forks now. She couldn't leave Charlie. What if he got ill again? Hell, he can't even cook an egg without catching fire to something. When reality hit her, she was sitting beside Charlie in A and E, staring at the white wall opposite. She was half asleep when Dr Richie came in and tapped her on the shoulder to tell her about his condition. "Bella is it?" she asked. "Yeah that's me" she said.

"Well I'm not sure if Charlie here has told you, but I must inform you of his condition. He has leukaemia. His condition is quite severe. He found out last spring, but since then his condition has deteriorated. I'm afraid he hasn't got long. I think it would be best if he were admitted to St Patricks hospice just down the road, there he can be treated accordingly and make his final days peaceful. We'll try our best but I'm afraid there is not a lot we can do. I'm terribly sorry. If there's anything I can do, just let me know." And with that she left. Leaving Bella in a black hole of turmoil. She looked at Charlie. He was still sleeping; she felt her heart ripping into pieces. Stay strong Bella, at least until you get home. Charlie needs you. The voice In her head kept telling her. She sat once again beside her Dad. Grabbed his hand. Stared at him, trying to take everything in. Her Dad .Charlie. Was going to die. She could do nothing but sit and stare and let it happen...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**hey folk soz for the late update was on holiday in mexico and don't worry I aint go swine flu lol haha yeah..only 2 reviews but im only startin out sooo ill take it this needs time, thanks for the crtisim , all taken into account :D thanks for reading guys….heres chapter 3 **

Bella grunted in satisfaction as the razor cut deeper into her white flesh. Her crimson blood leaked out of her body from various places. Her legs, back, wrists. Anywhere she could find a space. She'd been doing this for more than an hour. This was the only way she felt able to cope with everything. She had to do this. Each of her cuts releasing more of the pain erupting inside her. "Ahh..!" She quickly looked at her stomach. A deep gash spreading from one side of her stomach to the other. It began to gush with blood, coming out at an alarming rate. She hobbled to the cupboard and pulled out a bandage and began trying to wrap it around her wound with little success.

"Bells, I'm here where are you?"

Shit, Jake.

"Ehm coming Jake two minutes don't come up!" She quickly threw the razor in the bin and gently pulled her t-shirt over her wounds making sure none of them were visible. She slowly made her way down to Jake awkwardly walking down the stairs as the gash pulled at her stomach, slowly ripping it each time she moved.

"I...Eh...Heard about Charlie Bells…I'm sorry, really sorry. I think its best if you stay with me tonight hunny, I can look after you then." He smiled that crooked smile she loved. His black hair drooped down just covering his eyes. She didn't know exactly what happened, but something began burning inside her, and it wasn't her stomach. Jacob. Her Jacob had always been there. When Edward left her, he was the one that had helped her, and tried to piece her back together. He loved her. And back then all she could of given him was her friendship. Not now, she felt she could love him. No. She would love him. Edward was never coming back. And yes she would always love him. No doubt about it. But she was willing to give Jacob her heart. Who knew? Maybe his hands could fix more than cars. Maybe he could fix her broken heart. She would give Jacob her heart, if he would take it. She awkwardly made her way across to Jake, trying not to move to suddenly. She had a determined look on her porcelain face. "Bells, you okay? Of course your not okay but-" She cut him off by pulling on his shirt, yanking him down towards her, and kissed him full on the lips. He hesitated at first but was soon overcome with want. He kissed her back gently yet passionately, slowly moving one hand to stroke her hair and the other to her waist. His lips felt blazing hot against hers. She was so used to icy stone like lips, it took her off guard, but now that she had those soft hot lips against hers, she felt comfortable, at ease with what was happening. She liked it. Jake pulled away and looked at her in disbelief. "Wow…"

"Yeah..." she began to laugh but stopped suddenly as her stomach began to pull at her. Luckily it went unnoticed by Jake who was staring quite seriously into Bella's eyes. "So, Yeah …"

"Speechless for once in your life Jake, ha-ha, I cant believe it!" She slowly wrapped her arms around Jacob's muscular waist. "Jake, I've been doing some thinking about us…and…I- I think…no. I know I love you. I don't know how you still feel about me Jake but well, my heart is yours for the taking. You have to know I'm broken Jake, but I'm yours if you still want me. I'm in love with you. I always have been, I just didn't see it at the time. I'm sorry if I've hurt you before, but I realize I need you and want you in my pathetic little life." Silence. "Yeah…that's pretty much it …just thought id whip that out there…" Jake stood there with a look of shock etched on his face. He stood there for what seemed like hours to Bella. She was about to go grab a bucket of water to chuck over him, to snap him out of it until she saw that smile. His crooked little smile appear across his face. He closed the distance and wrapped his arms around her and whispered. "You don't know how long I've waited for this moment. I love you Bella and I'll happily take you in any shape or form. You are my one. I promise you will never regret this. He lowered his head and kissed her. It was a kiss of hope. Love. Passion. And belief. Belief that he would make her the person she once was.


End file.
